Eat, friends, drink,
and be drunk with love!
(Song of Solomon 5:1 ESV)
The message of this verse is very simple, but very powerful. In short: God delights in the loving physical intimacy of a married couple.
This shouldn't be a surprising statement, but given the way some churches have handled the topic of sexuality, it can be. Some churches have as if sexuality is gross, disgusting, and evil. The people who grow up in these churches can then end up thinking that it's a disgusting part of marriage, a necessary evil to be endured for the sake of pleasing one's spouse or bearing children.
To these people, let me simply say what Scripture says. God created physical intimacy; it was always part of His plan, even before the Fall. By itself, sex is not disgusting or gross. It is beautiful.
To be sure, sex can be made to be gross or disgusting in any number of ways. But when it is kept sacred between a husband and his wife, when it is part fo their holistic intimacy, then it is entirely beautiful.
There are others among us who don't think sex is gross, but instead want as much of it as possible. This can include those who sleep around constantly, as well as those who have never touched anyone sexually, but have vast harems of lust in their minds. As Jesus said, lust in the mind and heart is the same as lust carried out with flesh.
To these people, let me ask you to consider again just what exactly God is blessing, here. He doesn't bless sex for the sake of sex; He blesses physical intimacy between a man and his wife on their wedding night.
God chooses to bless only physical intimacy in marriage precisely because it's the best sex possible. God designed sex to be the best when it's done in committed marriage, and no where else.
To be sure, there are many ways in which physical intimacy can be neglected and neutered in marriage. To keep enjoying sex in marriage as it was intended, the husband and wife have to keep pursuing each other romantically outside of the bedroom, serve each other inside it, and in general love each other so unconditionally that they consider each other better than themselves in their actions.
Some may still think that it's prudish and old-fashioned to reserve sex for marriage. After all, everybody else is doing it, and they're getting along just fine. That's the impression that shows like How I Met Your Mother give us, anyway.
But even secular research is realizing that God had it right from the beginning when He established the pattern of sex only for marriage. Consider the following articles:
In this first one, a secular study found that couples who abstain from sex early on and save it for later in the relationship are far more likely to have their relationship last. Conversely, couples who rush to sex are far more likely to be unhappy and far less likely to last in the long-term.
In this next one, the AARP found that the general population is more accepting of sex outside of marriage than ever before (only 22% consider non-marital sex to be wrong), but that satisfaction in their sex lives has gone way down. (Their only guess as to why is due to the economy, which is just a wild shot in the dark).
This handy infographic, compiled from secular research data, displays quite stylishly that couples who live together (and sleep together) before marriage are significantly less likely to get married than couples who wait to live together until marriage.
This scholarly article shows from statistical data that women who have more than one sexual partner in their lives have a much higher rate of eventual divorce than women who only sleep with their spouse.
Finally, my favorite secular study of them all provides solid evidence that couples who save sex only for marriage experience phenomenal benefits for doing so. Specifically, couples who saved sex for marriage reported:
- Relationship stability was rated 22 per cent higher
- Relationship satisfaction was rated 20 per cent higher
- Sexual quality of the relationship was rated 15 per cent better
- Communication was rated 12 per cent better
To sum it all up: God knows what He's talking about. Secular research is just now beginning to understand that unleashing sex from marriage has done nothing but diminish its quality and damage human relationships.
The best marriages, the most amazing sex, the highest relationship satisfaction, and the greatest chance for the relationship to go the distance, all have one thing in common: they saved sex for marriage.
This is why God tell us to wait!!
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