[She]
[2] I slept, but my heart was awake.
A sound! My beloved is knocking.
"Open to me, my sister, my love,
my dove, my perfect one,
for my head is wet with dew,
my locks with the drops of the night."
[3] I had put off my garment;
how could I put it on?
I had bathed my feet;
how could I soil them?
[4] My beloved put his hand to the latch,
and my heart was thrilled within me.
[5] I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
on the handles of the bolt.
[6] I opened to my beloved,
but my beloved had turned and gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
I sought him, but found him not;
I called him, but he gave no answer.
Song of Solomon 5:2-6, ESV.
In the last post, we talked a little bit about how this conflict came about. It wasn't intentional; Solomon's bride was half-asleep, and didn't get up to let Solomon in when he wanted an intimate evening with her. She finally woke up a bit later and opened the door, but he had long sense gone.
From Solomon's perspective, she had flat-out rejected him. He only wanted to be with her, and she had shot him down. While it's true that she was half-asleep and may not have even realized what she was doing, he still felt the pain of her actions.
And then what does he do? He walks away.
This doesn't seem like much, but take a moment and think about what's NOT present in this conflict:
Solomon doesn't shout at her angrily.
Solomon doesn't demand that she obey him.
Solomon doesn't call her names.
Solomon doesn't embarrass her publicly (they are in a palace, after all; other people are nearby).
Solomon doesn't threaten her.
Solomon doesn't vow to punish her or get her back for denying him.
No, Solomon does none of these things. In the world's eyes, he had a right to; he was sinned against, so he could retaliate. We have plenty of movies and TV shows that glorify a man lashing out when he's been sinned against.
But this isn't the way we do things in the Kingdom of God.
It's a foregone conclusion that we will sin against people we love. Sometimes our sin is unintentional, as it may be here with Solomon's bride. Yet it still hurts.
So if it's certain that we'll hurt each other, the only question is how to deal with it. The answer is Jesus.
Let me explain. In the Cross, Jesus suffered for every single sin we would ever commit. That means that every offense you will commit against those you love, and every sin they will commit against you, fell on Jesus on the Cross. He already suffered the full wrath and penalty that they merited.
That means that we never need to punish someone for their sins. Jesus was already punished for their sins.
So when someone sins against us, we don't need to avenge ourselves. We don't get angry and lash out. We don't punish them. We don't embarrass them. We don't shout at them. We don't have to defend ourselves.
At the same time, we're not just letting the sin go, as if we can just forget about something that hurt us. Someone needs to suffer the just penalty for that sin. And someone did. Jesus suffered it all. We got our justice as His blood flowed.
So like Solomon, when we're hurt, we can simply walk away for a bit. Instead of hurting the person we love, we can deal with this situation in a way that hurts no one any further.
That's not to say that the answer is always literally to get up and walk away for a few minutes. Sometimes this can be a very good thing; for one, it removes the immediate temptation to lash out and helps you keep a lid on things, so that you don't do something you'll later regret.
But there are other ways to peaceably deal with situations. Some people can't let conflict linger; they have to deal with it immediately. For these people, walking around probably won't help so much. That's fine; there are other ways to deal with conflict calmly.
The point is that because Solomon reacted this way, there was no further hurt or sin added to the conflict to make the situation worse.
When we're hurt, it's incredibly easy to react out of pain and do things that only make matters worse.
Solomon encourages us instead to channel our emotional energy into the Cross. You were hurt, yes. Jesus feels your hurt. He also took the guilt for the action that hurt you. He then suffered the full weight of punishment that you feel should be dealt out for that offense.
Let the weight of that sink in. Let your heart wrap around that truth. Let the punishment that Jesus suffered lift the weight of anger off your soul.
Then you can walk away and wait for a bit. And then, like Solomon and his bride, you can resolve this situation in peace, in love, without anger, shouting, or any further pain.
Peace is always possible.
But only when you realize that you were avenged in the Cross of Jesus, and you stop trying to avenge yourself against others.
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