[16] My beloved is mine, and I am his;
he grazes among the lilies.
[17] Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle
or a young stag on cleft mountains.
(Song of Solomon 2:16-17 ESV)
God's Word keeps bringing more to the table than I expect. I already posted on these two verses, but there's a lot more to talk about. This post will talk about the marital beauty verses 16-17 discuss. If you haven't read the earlier post on these verses, go back and read that, along with the rest of Chapter 2 and its posts. This current post really only makes sense as a culmination of all that Chapter 2 has been saying.
This will also be a much shorter post than usual, but it's still got some good stuff. Keep reading!
This will also be a much shorter post than usual, but it's still got some good stuff. Keep reading!
Without being graphic, Song of Solomon 2:16b-17 are talking of physical intimacy between husband and wife. Specifically, the wife is calling her husband to it, inviting him to it, because of the passion and desire that she has for this man. She delights in the truth that "My beloved is mine, and I am his," which speaks to their great intimacy with each other. They know each other fully and they love each other completely, which makes them feel immensely safe with each other.
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This is a level of intimacy that cannot be reached when the foundations are rotten, when foxes still roam free, when selfishness still reigns. Wedding rings do not automatically convey this to their wearers. In order to enjoy this kind of passion, this level of desire, the couple must first go to work killing the foxes, building a lasting friendship in the romantic relationship.
Mark Driscoll and his wife suffered from not doing this. They were free and open in dating, but in marriage, Grace was closed off and reserved. She had sexual sin in her past that she had never told Mark about, in addition to past sexual abuse that she had never even admitted to herself. She had never consciously admitted that an earlier boyfriend had sexually abused her. Despite the fact that she was not in any way guilty for her abuse, she felt shame from the experience, so she kept it hidden, even from herself. As a result of these secrets and sin she felt ashamed, dirty, like damaged goods, and she closed herself off protectively. It took counseling and much prayer for them to eventually reach the place in marriage where they were free and open with each other, like 2:3-7, or like 2:16-17. It wounded Mark deeply to get all the way to marriage and realize she had kept this from him, to find this gaping wound in a time when he hoped for intimacy. Yet because of God working in them, they now enjoy an immensely intimate, free, open, and delightful marriage.
(If you would like to hear more of the Driscoll's story and hear how Grace found freedom from her past and finally opened herself to delighting in God's love and Mark's love, their story is recorded in their book "Real Marriage": http://www.amazon.com/Real-Marriage-Truth-Friendship-Together/dp/140020383X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1334275301&sr=8-1 You could also listen to Mark talk about their story in one of his sermons on marriage, which covers most of their story as recorded in the book: http://marshill.com/media/real-marriage/disgrace-and-grace ).
If God is leading anyone to marriage, then it would a tremendous blessing for them to take time while they're single to hunt down and kill the foxes in their own lives, as single people.
I don't mean that you have to be perfect before you're ready to be married. I only mean that while you have the chance as single people, work on killing any foxes in your life. You will always have more areas in which you need to grow, more sins of which to repent, more truths to learn about God, etc. Don't expect to be perfect before you're marriageable. Just focus on any glaring issues that God points out to you, and keep working at it until it's taken care of. Then ask God to point out another area of life in which you need to work, and focus on that. Keep doing this, and by the time you begin dating, and you'll be in a lot better condition than most.
If you would like a starting point (or perhaps a central point around which all other issues orbit), focus on delighting in the love of God for you. Focus on God, on who He is, and how immensely He loves you. Fix your identity, the very core of your being, on the central truth that Jesus loves you. If you get this, all other issues will be small in comparison to the God who is now your delight and whose love now forms your identity.
All other things being equal, if your heart is focused on Jesus and truly delights in Him, you should be pretty safe to enter the dating world.
On the flip side, if you do not have this down and your identity is not fixed in Jesus, you should probably get that taken care of before you start wading into the dating scene. If your heart doesn't belong to Jesus, any number of attractive people could steal it away. Tragically, Solomon experienced this very thing; 1 Kings 11 records his downfall, summarized in this verse: "For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father." Solomon loved women so much that his love for them turned him away from his love for God. We want to please those we love. If the people we love are not pleased primarily by us being drawn closer to God, they will draw us away from Him, instead.
So if you are looking for love, make sure that you first find your love from Jesus. Let Him satisfy the loneliness of your heart. He is faithful, and He is worthy; He can completely satisfy your longing for love, if you let Him, if you open the door of your heart to Him. But you have to choose to let Him in. Even if you already believe, you must choose to let Him into the deepest parts of your soul, into the areas around which you build up walls to protect. Let Him love you in those areas where you think no one can love you. Then, when you see that He knows your darkest junk and still loves you completely, you will be freed to enjoy His love, and His love can become your identity.
Jesus must be primary in your heart. Your spouse (or the desire for a future spouse) must be secondary. Only in this order can both the love of God and the love for your spouse unlock their full potential and purpose in your life. Only in this order can any human being truly be satisfied in love.
I don't mean that you have to be perfect before you're ready to be married. I only mean that while you have the chance as single people, work on killing any foxes in your life. You will always have more areas in which you need to grow, more sins of which to repent, more truths to learn about God, etc. Don't expect to be perfect before you're marriageable. Just focus on any glaring issues that God points out to you, and keep working at it until it's taken care of. Then ask God to point out another area of life in which you need to work, and focus on that. Keep doing this, and by the time you begin dating, and you'll be in a lot better condition than most.
If you would like a starting point (or perhaps a central point around which all other issues orbit), focus on delighting in the love of God for you. Focus on God, on who He is, and how immensely He loves you. Fix your identity, the very core of your being, on the central truth that Jesus loves you. If you get this, all other issues will be small in comparison to the God who is now your delight and whose love now forms your identity.
All other things being equal, if your heart is focused on Jesus and truly delights in Him, you should be pretty safe to enter the dating world.
On the flip side, if you do not have this down and your identity is not fixed in Jesus, you should probably get that taken care of before you start wading into the dating scene. If your heart doesn't belong to Jesus, any number of attractive people could steal it away. Tragically, Solomon experienced this very thing; 1 Kings 11 records his downfall, summarized in this verse: "For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father." Solomon loved women so much that his love for them turned him away from his love for God. We want to please those we love. If the people we love are not pleased primarily by us being drawn closer to God, they will draw us away from Him, instead.
So if you are looking for love, make sure that you first find your love from Jesus. Let Him satisfy the loneliness of your heart. He is faithful, and He is worthy; He can completely satisfy your longing for love, if you let Him, if you open the door of your heart to Him. But you have to choose to let Him in. Even if you already believe, you must choose to let Him into the deepest parts of your soul, into the areas around which you build up walls to protect. Let Him love you in those areas where you think no one can love you. Then, when you see that He knows your darkest junk and still loves you completely, you will be freed to enjoy His love, and His love can become your identity.
Jesus must be primary in your heart. Your spouse (or the desire for a future spouse) must be secondary. Only in this order can both the love of God and the love for your spouse unlock their full potential and purpose in your life. Only in this order can any human being truly be satisfied in love.
I would never suggest such a thing! If you're referring to where I mentioned Grace Driscoll's past, I can see how you that might be implied, so let me just be clear: being abused is never your fault, and it does not make you guilty of sin in any way. It may fill you with a sense of shame, however, which the Gospel can still cleanse away. Grace was abused, and had never been freed of the shame of the experience, even though she was not at fault in any way for it. Later on, she did sin sexually before her marriage. I noticed I didn't clearly distinguish between these two, and I apologize!
ReplyDeleteI'll go back and edit this post to clear up any confusion. Thanks for the pointer.