[3] As an apple tree among the trees of the forest,
so is my beloved among the young men.
With great delight I sat in his shadow,
and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
[4] He brought me to the banqueting house,
and his banner over me was love.
[5] Sustain me with raisins;
refresh me with apples,
for I am sick with love.
[6] His left hand is under my head,
and his right hand embraces me!
[7] I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles or the does of the field,
that you not stir up or awaken love
until it pleases.
(Song of Solomon 2:3-7 ESV)
In the past two posts, I talked a lot about verses 1-2 and their connection to 3-7. In this post, we'll focus more on 3-7 by itself, and see what wisdom it contains. Note: This post is a little on the long side, simply because there is so much in these verses to study. If you want to break it up into segments, I'd say go with 3-6 and then 7. Just don't skip reading verse 7 because of the length; some of the most important stuff in this whole discussion is locked up in verse 7!
Single people, just a heads-up: this passage talks a lot about marriage. As such, I won't be pulling out too many imperatives aimed at single people. Instead, let me encourage you to see this passage as the goal to which you are headed. If you want to be married, make this passage the target for which you're aiming. As you live through all the choices you have to make in dating and relationships, keep these verses in mind. If you know where you're going, you'll be able to navigate there with a lot less pain and confusion than you could, otherwise!
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v3: "As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste." I've said much about this already, but I want to reflect a bit on how safe this couple is. In the opening days of dating/courtship, often we have walls erected, either consciously or unconsciously. We don't yet know this other person; we don't know if we're safe with them. We don't want to open our heart to them until we know they're safe.
This is reflected in many ways. For one, we always project an idealistic version of ourself, where we mask as many flaws as possible and try to look as perfect as possible. We hope this will snare the other person, that they'll be attracted to this perfect version of us, and then get so attached to us that when the flaws start showing, it won't send them running.
In another way, we simply don't open up emotionally; instead, we pretend to. We lock the real self away and only present an emotional facade. Some people combat this by laying the charm on thick right when they meet an attractive person, hoping that their charisma and physical attraction will be enough to snare somebody. Generally these people have little interest in long-term relationships, and so their true self says locked away, safe, while they get to party and have casual hook-ups while hopefully suffering minimal emotional damage (this rarely works, by the way; emotional damage always ensues).
Others have been so damaged by rejection or other past scars that they can't show any chemistry or open up even the slightest emotionally. They either fake it, or suffer continual failure because they aren't perceived as being able to connect, emotionally.
To say it succinctly: people hurt us, and we instinctively want to guard our hearts until we know that we're safe with another person. Often the other person will end up hurting or rejecting us anyway; we were too quick to judge that person "safe." This are the perils of our modern, American dating system.
Yet this couple is safe with each other. They know each other intimately. They know who the other person is, down to the core of their being. There are no surprises anymore. Most of all, they know the other person loves them.
So this woman can rest in the shadow of her man, completely safe, completely free of anxiety, completely at peace. This man can rest with this woman, completely safe, completely free of anxiety, completely at peace.
This is a peace rarely known. Ultimately, it is a peace we can only know in an absolutely pure form with God. He knows everything about us and loves us more passionately and deepy than we can wrap our minds around. We are completely safe with Him; He will never reject us or hate us. His love for us will never cool, diminish, or fade. He will always love us with the fullnes of His great love; His blood guarantees this, as it cleanses us from all sin and defilement, now and forevermore.
Tragically, Solomon and his bride will eventually experience the pain of rejection and separation. Solomon will give in to his lusts and marry 700 wives, with 300 concubines on the side. This beautiful, charming, witty, Godly woman will fade into the crowd. In this moment, they are safe, but it will not last. Yet this was not unavoidable. If they had tried to keep the attitude underlying verses 2:1-7 throughout the entirety of their relationship, they may well have been able to avoid this rampant adultery.
Even so, their tragic story illustrates that we live in a broken, fallen world, and we are broken, fallen people. In terms of human relationships, it is impossible to predict the future. We can hope, we can work towards a goal, but we cannot control other people. Human rejection may very well come, or sudden illness may steal a loved one away, or they may reveal a lie or secret that devastates the relationship. The future is never certain.
Yet we can survive all of this, and even thrive during all of this, by clinging to the eternal acceptance and love of Jesus. It is guaranteed that not everyone will love us; some humans will always dislike us, hate us, reject us. Yet that is off-set by the infinite love of God. No matter how much mortal, finite hatred is leveled against us, the infinite love of Jesus always outweighs it. We will always have more love than hate in our lives, if we belong to Christ. This is how we survive; this is how we thrive!
Thus, while rejection is a fear, it is not to be a crippling fear. No matter what happens in life and romance, if we have Jesus in our lives, we will always have more love pouring into us than we will know what to do with. This is the promise God makes to us, that He will never leave nor forsake us, that He will always love us, no matter what happens.
It is precisely this commitment from God that we emulate at the marriage altar. If a couple is connected first of all to Jesus and are sustained by divine love, they will be able to make this same commitment to each other. As they reflect the divine love and commitment of Jesus to each other, all fear will leave.
It is hard to trust humans. Yet God is perfectly, imminently trustworthy. If we see people acting like Him, if we see people loving us the way that He loves us, then we will be able to trust them. And trust absolutely destroys fear.
Solomon and his bride in these verses love each other, know each other, trust each other, and rest with each other. They are not crippled with anxiety by what could happen in the future. Instead they're focusing on the present; they are here with each other, and they're choosing to stay with each other. In the past they've gotten to know each other very well, so much so that they've committed their lives to each other. They have every reason to be content with each other and confident of the strength of their relationship. If they remain strong in the love of God, they have every reason to expect that the future will continue to reflect this divine love and commitment to each other.
If you want to get a better handle on this whole situation, consider it this way: every human relationship will end. Every marriage ends, either in death or divorce. There is no way to prevent the end coming; all we can do is push it back and turn it from a tragedy to a celebration. Hopefully, by God's grace, the marriage will last until both husband and wife are old and wrinkled, with their funerals being celebrations of the joyous life they lived together. Yet even so, their marriage ends on the day of their death.
So we shouldn't fear the end. It will come. We should work hard to make sure it's a joyous celebration and not a pain-filled separation, but either way, we have to put our ultimate satisfaction in the love of Jesus. There is simply no other way to guarantee that you will always be loved and accepted. Every relationship besides Jesus will end, on this earth. Further, every other love is inferior to the love of Christ; even the best human marriage pales in comparison to the love that God lavishes on us. If you scoff at this, it is only because you have not yet experienced that love. Seek this love out; chase it down, wrestle with God for it. When you have it, you will know what it means to truly be loved. Song of Solomon 2:3 is a faint glimmer of the kind of peace, joy, love, rest, and satisfaction we can experience while basking in the love of Jesus.
For these reasons, this woman finds her husband, King Solomon, to be far and away more refreshing and delightful than every other man; he's an apple tree, full of delicious fruit and pleasing shade, in the midst of a forest of fruit-less trees.
She enjoys him; with great delight she rests in his shadow; there is no where else she'd rather be. These are two love birds, crazily in love with each other. Their home is not a building; their home is with each other.
v4. "He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love." This banqueting house is literally a "house of wine," a place where people go to get light-headed and escape the cares of the world. It is a place of indulgence, a place of pleasure, a place of escape. That's what she feels like when she's with her husband. He brings her to such delirious joy that she's as good as drunk when she's with him. She doesn't just feel butterflies in her stomach for him; she feels completely intoxicated!
"his banner over me was love." He is not ashamed to let everyone know that he loves this woman, and she wears the banner of his love proudly, with great joy and delight.
There are some couples where you can see a banner over them, but it isn't love. You can see a banner of resentment, or a banner of anger, of a banner of selfishness, or a banner of loneliness, or a banner of regret, or even a banner of pretending that everything is fine when they're screaming on the inside. You can see it just by looking at the couple, looking at their body language, hearing the first few words out of their mouths. In this sense, we all wear banners; couples always display banners over their spouse.
Yet this is a couple whose banner is one of love. When you look at them, you can tell: they love each other. It's written on their faces, it's plastered all over their body language, it's revealed whenever they open their mouths. Their love for each other is obvious. Not surprisingly, she celebrates this.
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v5. "Sustain me with raisins; refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love." Here the woman calls to be refreshed with raisins, with apples. These are the energy drinks of their day.
Now why would she need an energy drink, you ask? Let me ask you: what act of marrital intimacy takes a great deal of energy? They are engaged in this activity, and she wants to keep it going; she's getting tired and needs more energy to sustain this activity. This is a sign of self-less love, of servant love; they're not just using each other to meet their needs, then quitting. They're intoxicated with each other because they love and are loved by each other, and they want to express physically this love they feel until their bodies collapse from sheer exhaustion. This is couple deeply, deeply in love!
This is also a kind of love that can't be had outside of the confines of marriage. They're not going at it all night because they're horny and the just want the fun of it; they're engaged in this activity because they deeply love each other. Their connection isn't merely physical; it's deeply emotional, mental, spiritual. Their bond is far stronger than a simple physical attraction. Their bond is all the more special because they know they are safe with each other; they don't have the slightest fear that they might wake up in the morning to find the other person gone. They're committed to each other, and even more than that, they WANT to be committed to each other! They desire each other, they serve each other, they speak their love languages fliudly and frequently. They aren't simply tied together by emotion; they are fully willing to do the hard work that is necessary to sustain love long-term.
Solomon could have chosen any other woman; he was king, with a vast fortune and unrivaled power. She was a woman of virtue, who loved God and was full of integrity. She could have made any man happy. They could have been with anyone else. Yet they didn't choose anyone else. They chose each other. They chose to be committed to each other. This isn't a temporary fling; this is life. Through the good and the bad, through their success and failures, they'll be there for each other. That strength deepens the experience of love far beyond what two random people can experience by hooking up with each other for a night. It's no wonder that even secular scientists are finding that couples who stay faithful to each other, whose spouse is the only sexual partner they ever know, have the most satisfying love lives.
v6. This could indicate the position of the above activity, or it could simply express her joy at being held by her beloved. Either way, it again expresses their deep love for each other, how they enjoy being with each other, how the mere presence of the other is enough to set their heart on fire.
v7. "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases."
This verse specifically instructs the daughters of Jerusalem, this group of friends who are all virgins, to abstain from sex until marriage. I'll talk about this, but first, I want to address those of us who are not sexually pure. Which is nearly all of us.
In today's day and age, the numbers of people who are completely sexually pure are near zero. Marketing regularly relies on lust to sell products. Clothes are specifically designed to heighten sex appeal. More teenagers than not report being sexually active, with nearly 90% reporting some sexual activity by high school graduation. These statistics are the same for secular youth as they are for Christian youth. Even those who have abstained from physical sex have lusted, with a great many being enslaved to pornography. For men this pornography is usually visual; for women, this pornography is most often romantic novels or movies which cause them to lust for similar relationships and encounters.
In other words: nearly every one of us has compromised ourselves sexually, in some way. Yet we should not be depressed by this. I don't mean that this isn't sin; it clearly is sin, and it's such a terrible offense against God that Jesus had to die to pay the Father back for it. We must repent of these sins, of this rebellion against our Creator.
Yet because Jesus died for these sins, for us, that means that these sins no longer separate us from God. Regardless of what some preachers have shouted at you, God is not angry with you for your sin. God is not looking down from Heaven and frowning at you, demanding that you do better before He will love you.
Rather, God knew from before time that we would all be sinful. And He loved us anyway! The message of the Cross is that God doesn't demand us to pay Him back or earn our way into His presence. Rather, He did all the work to cleanse us, to fill us with the perfect righteousness that Jesus earned in His life, and to renew us into new and unending life with Him!
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| http://homenuke.net/2011/10/broken-heart-new-heart/ |
So as you read the following words, please do not read them as if they are accusing you. You cannot be accused any more, if you are in Christ; your sins no longer exist. You can't be accused for crimes that don't exist!
The following words simply expound on this verse in Song of Solomon, telling us how we should live our futures. Whatever we've done in the past is wiped away, forgiven, cleansed, removed. Whatever you've done in the past, you are right now clean, pure, holy, dearly beloved by God, and freed to live a life in the power of the Holy Spirit, freed of the enslaving bonds of sin. In the power of the Spirit, we now have the chance to change, to live lives of greater joy and satisfaction than we have ever enjoyed in the past. That is why I write. That is what this verse is telling us. So in that light, let's continue.
"I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." It might seem like an odd twist, but here the woman pauses to caution her friends, to caution the women in Jerusalem, not to stir up or awaken love until it pleases. It sounds especially odd in the ears of people today: if sex is so wonderful, why can't I try it now? If it feels good, do it! Don't wait; dive in!
But this bride is saying that you can't experience her level of happiness in sex without marital intimacy. As I've talked about above, this joy can't be matched by casual hookups, or even by sleeping together with someone you're dating or living with. Such relationships don't have this committment, this reassurance that you are going to avoid all others and remain faithful, that you're going to work to make sure that this marriage succeeds, that you're leading your heart to find your spouse alone as your pinnicle of beauty. Without that committment, you're always vulnerable to the possibility of someone "better" coming along and stealing your partner away. Without that commitment, the act of love-making is inherently selfish; you're not willing to give your partner the comfort of commitment, so you just use each other to meet your needs until something better comes along, you get bored with each other, or you sin so strongly against each other that you leave in heartbreak.
You might be under some delusion that it's possible to have casual sex with no emotional risks as long as you know from the outset that things aren't going to go anywhere. Yet even Hollywood realizes the folly in this. Look at every movie made about casual sex between two people. Inevitably, one of them develops deeper feelings for the other, which leads to pain when the other one leaves. In the happy movies, they eventually get back together and begin a full-out romance.
The fact is that sex can't be a simple act of innocent pleasure. Neuro-chemically, the brain releases a coctail of drugs that bind you to one person while making love to them. This is why 2/3 of men who use prostitutes use the same woman repeatedly, instead of branching out. Sex is designed to create and strengthen the bond between two people, and only those two people. Thus the true pleasure of it cannot be experienced outside of this bond. Without the love and commitment of marriage, sex becomes a mere event, a small moment of pleasure in a lifetime of loneliness. Often, it only serves to make a person feel worse, afterwards, than they did before. Those who have regular sex outside of marriage and find little pain from it have either not experienced its side effects yet (i.e., their partner hasn't left them), or they are consciously or subconsciously blocking the pain of it to maintain their lifestyle. Regardless, they are not experiencing the height of sexual pleasure, and cannot do so in their current practices. They may think they know what sex is, but they are standing on the foothills with no idea what it's like on the summit.
Sex should be coupled with an intense desire for your partner. It should occur in the commitment of marriage, in the intimate knowledge of each other, in the safety of knowing and accepting each other regardless of what may come. It should come as one part of love, surrounded by acts of kindness to each other, words of affirmation for each other, spending quality time with each other, lovingly touching each other, doing mundane things for each other, and giving gifts to each other. It should be the height and crest of a wave that's been building for a long while, rather than the sudden splash of water in the midst of a dry spell.
Thus the woman is correct: save love until it so desires. Do not engage in sex outside of marriage, hoping to experience what this woman and Solomon are enjoying. It's impossible. Further, it will almost assuredly leave emotional scars, making it harder to enjoy this kind of openness and intimacy with your spouse when you eventually do marry.
I'm not trying to scare you by saying that sex is bad. Sex isn't bad; it's amazing! Just look at the rapture in this woman's emotions as she talks about it!
I'm trying to entice you to enjoy sex in the best way possible. I'm trying to get you to throw away the cheap trash of casual hook-ups and sex during dating, and hold out for the mind-blowing feast that you can experience in marriage.
I want you to have the best sex imaginable. That kind of sex can only happen within the confines of a commited marriage where the husband and wife know each other, choose each other, are safe with each other, enjoy each other, and pursue each other to the exclusion of all others.
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