[15] Behold, you are beautiful, my love;
behold, you are beautiful;
your eyes are doves.
[SHE]
[16] Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful.
Our couch is green;
[17] the beams of our house are cedar;
our rafters are pine.
(Song of Solomon 1:15-17 ESV)
v15 - "Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves." Every woman needs to hear this. Every woman has secret doubts about her beauty; she knows her flaws intimately. Cultural voices and the Enemy constantly scream at her that if she isn't perfect, then she isn't beautiful. It is a continual battle for most women to accept that they truly are beautiful, that they truly are amazing.
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| http://elblogderafan.blogspot.com/ |
She needs to hear how you see her, men. Tell her how beautiful she is to you, and tell her repeatedly. Solomon says it twice, then adds a third comment about how he loves her eyes, how they are precious and beautiful as doves. You cannot say this enough!
This applies to dating couples, engaged couples, married couples, and even between singles. Men: tell these women how you see them, how beautiful they are to you. And remember, words are the way to a woman's heart. Don't just say "you're hot." Tell her in detail. Tell her often. Tell her repeatedly. In a dark world where every other voice is saying she's inferior, be the beacon of light in her life, telling her how truly stunning she really is!
Note: men, be careful not to say this to a woman you aren't in some kind of relationship with. If she's a family member (wife, mom, sister, daughter, etc.) or a friend, fire away with the compliments. (Just be sure your compliment is neutral, not flirtatious, unless you're talking with your romantic partner). Telling a random girl on the street how beautiful she is will probably creep her out, since she has no idea who you are. You should know who each other is before you give a compliment like this. Women usually need to trust you, to feel safe with you, before they will open up to what you have to say.
"your eyes are doves." Men, learn to compliment individual parts of your woman's body. Single out her eyes; tell her how lovely they are, and compare them to something you find valuable, like doves. Don't just say, "You're hot." Anyone can say that, and it has no specific meaning. Tell her about her specific beauty. Her unique eye color, her unique hair color, her unique fashion style, her unique cheekbones, her unique lips, etc. Show her how every individual part of her is beautiful. Use poetry; use simile and metaphor, compare her to beautiful things, as Solomon compares her eyes to doves. This is money in the bank, gentlemen. But again, a caution: if you're not married, do not speak of things that clothing normally covers. Don't let your thoughts wander there; it's a danger zone without the rings. Keep the compliments coming, but stay in the safe zone.
Women might get a little shy or bashful when you tell them how beautiful they are, but deep down, they usually enjoy it. Keep the compliments coming. Be creative; the more thought you put into it, the better!
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| http://melvingaines.blogspot.com/2011/04/love-languages-for-your-life.html |
v16 - "Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful." Women, you can tell your man what you think of him, as well. Compliment him excessively, even his appearance! Men might not care about their appearance as much as women, but trust me, they still like to hear this. Tell him how handsome you think he is. Tell him why you're attracted to him, whether it's his intelligence, his passion for God, his creativity, his success in life, or whatever it is. Again, be specific!
The lesson: couples, constantly lift each other up with your words. This is often called the "words of affirmation" love language, and it's powerful. Tell each other why you find each other attractive. Be specific! Talk about physical appearance, character, beliefs, intellect, heart, spirituality, etc. You can't say these things enough. We all have doubts about ourselves, even the most confident among us. Confidence is often the art of pushing your doubts to the back of your mind and proceeding ahead regardless of them -- but those doubts are still there, lingering. So remove them from your relationship by complimenting the socks off of each other. And if you keep these compliments flowing through marriage, you will be taking the socks off of each other, if you know what I mean.
vv16-17 - "Our couch is green; the beams of our house are cedar; our rafters are pine." This will sound simple at first, but she loves the fact that they have a house. Some have thought this passage means they're outside; a couch of green (grass), cedar beams (trees), pine rafters (branches). It's possible, but I don't think it's the right reading. For one thing, we know that Solomon built his palace of valuable wood, just like these trees. Also, cedar branches are a lot bigger than pine branches, usually. It would make more sense to say that their rafter are cedar and their beams pine, if they were outdoors. The argument isn't slam-dunk either way, but it seems to me to lean more towards them being in Solomon's palace, which was furnished with much wood and greenery.
And if they are indeed in Solomon's palace, then she loves it. She loves the fact that they have such a beautiful home to call their own. Not every woman needs a palace (some do, and if you have a high-maintenance woman like that, be prepared with a high-paying job), but every woman needs a home. You need a safe place to be together, to worship God together, a place where your love and worship is safe from the outside world.
Note: this probably isn't going to be your parent's basement. If you are facing hard financial times and you're working to save up for a home, then fine. But if you're lazy and playing your Xbox all day instead of getting a job, then you are in sin. You're sinning against your wife; you're placing your own desire for entertainment above her need for a home to call her own. If you are married, if you have committed yourself to her, then put away the Call of Duty and get a paycheck. Trust me, you'll be happier with a woman who is delighted to be in a home with you, than you would be with a high video game score and a wife who is resentful towards you because of your selfishness.
And single men, if you want to spend your days playing video games, then don't pursue marriage, and don't act like you're married by sleeping with a girl. Just admit that you're still a boy in a man's body who can't be dragged away from his video games long enough to shoulder some actual responsibility. If you're going to keep acting like a boy, don't drag a woman into your life. She needs a man, not a boy who can shave. (This paragraph has been brought to you by Mark Driscoll).
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As a final note, if this couple is outdoors, then she's celebrating that the trees and grass are creating a natural home for them. It's like make-believe, for adults, if you're cuddling together in a secluded natural hide-away. It can be a lot of fun to be there together, and to view the trees and grass as a temporary home for you, as you enjoy your oasis together.
But realize that this is fun to imagine because of the desire for a real home. Getting time together in the woods is enjoyable, but if all you have is the woods and you have no real home, then it's not going to be fun for long. You need a home. This is why Adam was created before Eve: he had to cultivate a home for her in Eden where she would be safe, where her worship of God would be protected and encouraged. So get her that home, men. Create a safe haven for her, where she can worship God in peace, with you. To start out with, maybe all you can afford is a small apartment. Yet if it's yours, it'll do. Upgrade when you can, as you keep working hard.
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