Song of Solomon 1:1-4: This Woman is Crazily In Love

I started studying Song of Solomon to learn about love.  I didn't grow up with sisters or with close female friends, so I didn't pick up naturally how to talk to girls, how to attract them, how to treat them properly.  When I first started to try to attract a girl, I was horrible.  I had no idea what I was doing.  Fortunately, God has provided all that I needed to know, here.  Since the study of this book has been so helpful for me, I decided to post a study of it here, so that it can hopefully be of value to others.

I should also note that I have been heavily influenced by Mark Driscoll's sermon series on Song of Solomon, which can be found here: peasantprincess.com  His sermons are excellent, but they focus primarily on marriage.  Given that I have a different focus than him, I'm using his work mostly as a framework, with specific points being taken from the text itself rather than copying his words.

We'll move verse-by-verse through the book.  There is so much to learn here that often just a few verses will take pages and pages of writing to unpack, as is the case with the first four verses, here.

[1:1] The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's.

[The Bride Confesses Her Love]

[SHE]

[2]  Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine;
[3] your anointing oils are fragrant;
your name is oil poured out;
therefore virgins love you.
[4] Draw me after you; let us run.
The king has brought me into his chambers.

[OTHERS]

We will exult and rejoice in you;

we will extol your love more than wine;

rightly do they love you.


(Song of Solomon 1:1-4 ESV)

1:1 - This is Solomon's song.  Based on this simple statement, I will assume that this book refers to the actual King Solomon and his bride.  There are a number of scholars who disagree and say this can't actually be Solomon, but this not merited by the evidence.  

v2 - She dearly desires the kisses of her beloved.  They are at least betrothed, if not married at this point; she knows him, and knows she is safe with him.  She desires him.  When a woman loves a man, and knows she is loved by him, she deeply desires to be with him.  A woman wants his kisses.  This might seem obvious, but it can be soothing to those who have been scarred by past relationships.  Some have been so damaged by rejection that they're not willing to begin new relationships; their history with rejection has told them that they will never be loved or desired.  This passage, and this entire book, speaks against that.  If a man loves a woman rightly, as Solomon loves his bride in this book, she will desire him as much as this woman desires Solomon in this verse.  

When rejection happens and a relationship ends, sometimes it is the person who is rejected.  Maybe they're an alcoholic, or they're mean, or they're bitter, or they're too selfish to properly care for another person.  In these cases, it's still not hopeless; the person who was rejected can grow closer to Christ, repent of their sin, begin obeying the words of God, and grow into a person who is attractive.  

Yet often it is not the person who is rejected, but rather their means of dating.  What I mean by this is that our American society has warped our minds.  Things like romantic comedies (where a person is attracted, courted, and married in the space of 2 hours), pornography (where the focus is selfish and displays no care or concern for the person lusted after), and online dating (where the focus isn't about serving others but finding a perfect match so that I don't have to change) have warped our minds and hearts.  We expect romantic dating to be like these things, yet following behaviors that have been shaped by these things will only destroy romantic relationships.  Romantic comedies can make women expect a man to commit to them far earlier than a man is ready to.  This can lead the woman to grow desperate and clingy, to doubt herself and to freak out about the relationship, when in fact nothing is wrong; the man simply needs time to get to know the girl before he'll commit to her.  Similarly, a man stained by porn can expect sexual feelings to come far earlier than they were intended (specifically, only to be unleashed in marriage).  Porn could also have trained his heart to be attracted to multiple women at once, instead of committing to only one woman.  Online dating can make a person selfish, only willing to accept a person meets their pre-determined criteria (they have to be blond, they must be between 5'10'' and 6'0'', they must like country music, they have to bear a passing resemblance to a certain Hollywood star, etc.).  It can lead to the attitude that I myself am a sort of god; all of these potential suitors must meet my approval.  In other words, it leads to arrogance; there is no flaw in me, but there are hundreds of flaws in all these other people.  I won't change, but I'll expect a person to bend over backwards to meet my criterion before I'll consider them.  

Often if a person is rejected nowadays, it's because their whole approach is shaped by ungodly cultural expectations and attitudes, like those mentioned above.  In this case, rejection is, again, not hopeless.  You must simply change your game.  You have to repent of the sinful expectations and actions of your past, and let the Song of Solomon shape you into a person who can date in a Godly, glorious, fun, passionate manner.  That's why this book is here.  

So if you've had failure after failure in the dating world, don't despair!  God's got your back.  This book will be filled with wisdom.  This book has stayed around for 3,000 years for a good reason; not only is the poetry beautiful and moving, but the wisdom is insanely practical and helpful.  

vv2-3 - She feels that his love is better than wine; as wine makes a person light-headed and drunk, so does his love for her.  She is love-struck, drunk with love.  The relationship has clearly had time to develop, for them to get to know each other, and for him to love her so well that she is captivated by her man.

His anointing oils are fragrant - he smells nice.  This is again an obvious thing, but women like men who smell nice, who are clean, who take care of themselves physically.  It's scientifically proven that a woman's nose is more sensitive than a man's; women can smell things no guy can detect.  Women can smell foul odors from a guy that he simply can't detect.  So guys, you may not understant it, but trust me, your scent matters.

For married people (and even engaged and dating/courting people, in some sense), it is a sign of love and care for your spouse/betrothed that you care for yourself.  You are your gift to them.  Instead of focusing on what you get -- namely, them and their body -- focus on what you give, namely yourself and your body.  It is selfish to expect them to be perfect, while you allow yourself to be lazy and sloppy.  

Also, this means that you should allow your spouse to inform your choices about your appearance, smell, etc.  If your wife hates the smell of your deodorant, change brands!  If your husband really likes you in red, wear more red!  In marriage, your body belongs to your spouse (1 Cor 7:4).  But this isn't slavery; it's a gift.  So give the gift with thoughtfulness, selflessness, and care -- tailor the gift to the receiver!

Single people can still benefit from this knowledge.  Guys, shower.  This would seem to be obvious, but there a great number of guys who have no concern for hygeine.  Guys, if you don't care for your hygeine, it's probably going to be true that women won't be caring much for you.  A lack of hygeine marks you as being lazy and selfish; you don't care that your smell is offensive to others, you just care that you don't have to spend time and energy keeping yourself presentable.  I shouldn't have to say it, but those aren't attractive qualities in anyone.

But for those who do keep themselves shiny and clean, there's still much to be learned.  Instead of buying deodorant that you think smells good, ask your mom, your sister, or a few female friends for recommendations.  You can extend this to clothing, shampoo, hairstyle, etc.  If you're looking to attract a woman, get some womanly advice on what's attractive!  What looks good to you, what smells good to you, might not be so good to a member of the female gender.  

Similarly, women, get some advice from Godly men on what's attractive.  I advise you: don't look to the world for fashion advice.  Their focus isn't on landing you a solid Godly man for life-long marriage; their focus is on sex, on greed, on getting you to buy as much as possible, on instant pleasures rather than life-long joys.  As an obvious example, I consider a woman far more attractive if she's covered up than if she's exposing great quantities of herself.  A woman who exposes herself may be physically beautiful, but there's a greater chance that she would not be a good life-long partner.  A woman who doesn't need to expose flesh to attract a man is far more likely to be a great wife; if her strengths are her character, her love for God, her intelligence, her wisdom, her compassion, her imagination, I would consider her far more attractive that a woman who just appeals to flesh.  So women, when you consider your appearance, tailor yourself for the kind of man you want to be with.  A Godly man who will love and cherish you will not be looking for the woman with the most sensuous attire.  (At least not right away; as Song of Solomon will indicate in a few chapters, once you're married and have the privacy of your own bedroom, it's beautiful to bring that kind of attire into play).  

Back to the woman in this passage.  She adores Solomon's name, his reputation.  She loves the fact that her beloved is well-thought of by the other ladies.  She doesn't have to convince people that this man is worthy of her attention; they know he is.  They know his name, his reputation.  They know, and they approve!  

Men: seek to be this man.  Make yourself known in public; don't sit in your room and play video games all day, away from people.  Make a good name for yourself, such that people will be glad and grateful to know you.  

Women: seek this kind of man out.  Seek a man who is known, who is approved.  If he is a loner, with few close friends, that can be a red flag.  If a man can't keep friends, don't believe that he'll be able to keep your affections, either.

Couples: be known.  Don't go at this alone.  Make sure that you have insight to your relationship, people older and wiser than you speaking into it.  In general, the better known you are, the safer you are.  When you go at this alone, or when one of you is a loner with few close friends or family, a lot of pain and even danger can result.

Pro tip: Guys, if you have mutual friends and connections with a woman you're interested in, use them!  At the initial stages, if she can get good, glowing reviews about you from people she already knows and trusts, that's money in the bank!

v4 - Draw me after you; let us run.  Notice that she says "draw me after you."  She wants the man to lead, for him to draw her after him.  She doesn't want him to be domineering or lording over her, but she does want him to lead.  She wants him to lead, to draw her after, and for them to run together.  

Men: lead.  She wants you to have confidence, to be leading, to draw her after you.  Women are NOT attracted to men who are cowardly, who hide behind their women, who are afraid of leading, who cannot take risks.  (Those women who are attracted to men like this have their own problems; typically, they're viewing the man more like a son, a child, and less like a man; they want to mother him instead of be his equal in marriage).  So men: lead!  Women: find a man who can lead.  Don't settle for less.  If he won't lead now, there's a good chance he won't be able to lead later, and you'll keep lording over him for the entire relationship.  Trust Scripture: you don't want that.  Men who can't lead, who still have the maturity of a child, will not make good spouses.

The king has brought her into his chambers.  He led her to his chambers.  She delights in this!  This harkens back to Genesis 1-2, to Adam's commission and duty as a man: cultivate a place, a Garden, where God is worshipped, where she knows she is safe to enter, that her worship of God will be protected and encouraged, where they will live together while following God's call on their life together.  Solomon has done that; he brings his bride to his chambers, to a place where she is safe to love God and him.  

In religious temples, there is often a Holy of Holies, an inner sanctum that is protected fiercely.  It is set aside for the priest to commune with the deity, for that relationship.  This chamber of Solomon's is like that, but dedicated to the marriage relationship, rather than a purely religious experience.  This chamber is set aside, holy, protected, dedicated to the bride and groom, to their love.  Love like this, protected and cherished, pleases God deeply.  Just look at how it's portrayed in Scripture!  The Holy of Holies is protected for worship.  The marriage chamber is protected for love, for the man and woman to enjoy their relationship with each other in privacy, in safety, in worship.

For those who are still single, make this your goal.  Men, get a job, get a college degree, work. Earn enough to provide a safe place for a woman to live, to worship God and to love you.  She doesn't want to live in your parent's basement.  Work now so that when you get married later, you can lead your bride into your chambers, into a safe place for her and for your marriage.

Women, don't just look for a man who's physically attractive and charming.  Look for a guy with a job.  Look for a guy with a good work ethic, who will gladly provide.  Hint: these guys don't tend to spend 12 hours a day in front of a TV playing Call of Duty.  If a guy spends the majority of his time playing games instead of doing something productive, he's acting more like a child than a man.  Until he grows up, he's not fit for you.

Throughout Song of Solomon, a group of friends speaks into this relationship.  Most translations simply call them "the others."  These others exult and rejoice in the love of this man and his bride.  They are exceptionally pleased and happy that these two know each other, love each other.  

Take note, couples: if your family and friends don't rejoice that you two are together, that's a massive danger sign.  Sometimes the family is wrong; they have the wrong expectations, such as when they want their daughter with a doctor/lawyer, specifically for all the monies, and ignore the man who will love their daughter far better than this rich man.  But it is more probable that the family can see more clearly than their love-struck child, and recognize that this person is not good for them.  In short: if your friends and family and church family don't celebrate your relationship, you need to take some time to re-evaluate it, to pray and think over it.  

The others extol their love more than wine; they are approving this man whom this woman loves.  The "you" here is masculine; they are approving the man, specifically, not just their relationship.  View this as a big group of bridesmaids, all approving and celebrating the man their dear friend is marrying.  They could not be more happy with her choice of husband.  That's what's going on here.  Men: make sure that you make yourself known to these women, to your bride's family and friends.  Let them probe you; give them a chance to know you and approve of you. View it like dating her mother and father; give them gifts, have long conversations with them, do things for them.  Endear yourself to them.  She will delight in their approval of you, and you will live in much more peace and harmony if her family and friends approve of you, instead of being cold towards you.  

And all that's just the first 4 verses.  We've got 8 chapters of this stuff to go through.  This should be a fun ride!