Song of Solomon 1:9-11: Jewelry and War Horses

[HE]

[9] I compare you, my love,
to a mare among Pharaoh's chariots.
[10] Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments,
your neck with strings of jewels.


[OTHERS]
[11] We will make for you ornaments of gold,
studded with silver.


(Song of Solomon 1:9-11 ESV)

After this playful, flirtatious exchange in verses 7-8, Solomon praises the beauty of his bride: "I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharoah's chariots."

Note that Solomon and his bride have a number of pet names for each other: my love, my beloved, most beautiful among women, etc.  As should surprise no one, pet names are greatly enjoyable for couples, and are vitally important for building a communal identity, for becoming one.  These nick-names need to be shared between only each other; if a man calls every beautiful woman "my love," his wife sure isn't going to feel anything special from it.  But if she's the only woman in the world whom he calls "my love" and "my beauty," she is going to delight in those words.  Likewise, if a woman calls her husband "my beloved," a title that no one else receives, that man is going to treasure her words.  They will empower him and fill his spirit!

In a related note, how amazing is it that God has a unique name for each of us, a name that only He knows (Rev 2:17)?  He will tell it to us at the end of this world and the beginning of the next.  It will show us how much He loves us; a unique name for each of His children.  We are not lost in a crowd; we are loved individually, personally, fully, beautifully!

He compares his love to mare among Pharoah's chariots.  Pharoah's chariots were pulled by strong horses, the best of the nation.  They were usually all males, as befit a war horse.  So when a mare, a female horse, walks among them, each stallion perks up and tries to impress her.  (This point is said wonderfully by Driscoll in his sermon on this chapter).  Solomon is saying that his woman is the kind of woman that, when she walks into a room, all the heads turn.  If she were single, all the men would be trying to impress her.  She is the center of attention; she is beautiful, exciting, a treasure worth fighting for!  This is a tremendous compliment to the woman; she is so beautiful that she draws every eye after her.  This would excite her, compliment her, elevate her, highly esteem her.

And this similarly excites the man.  Every man wants to be with that woman.  He feels like a true man if the woman on his arm is so captivating that people can not help but stare after her.  This is why every man is drawn to these women; they recognize that she is a treasure above all the rest.  The man whom she chooses, who she gives her heart to, is immensely blessed.  

Add to this what we've already learned about this woman: she does not fit the cultural standard of beauty.  She's dark, when "beauty" was considered to be light skin.  She has a long neck, something others would consider a flaw.  Yet to Solomon, she is perfect.  Solomon treats her as if she is the most beautiful woman on the planet, because to him, she is!  And because she feels this way when she's around him, she naturally carries the confidence of a woman who knows she is beautiful.  Thus, when men see her enter the room, even if she doesn't look like the covers of their magazines, they still see her confidence, they see how glad Solomon is to have her on his arm, and they recognize that there is a lot of beauty, there.  

In verse 10, Solomon praises her for how beautiful she is while wearing jewelry: "Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels."  It is perfectly natural and right for a woman to adorn herself with jewels, especially to please her husband.  This is right and good in the eyes of the LORD, and it delights the heart of a man when his woman dresses up for him!  When a woman makes an effort to look beautiful, her man appreciates it.  I'm not saying she has to spend all of her time in a spa, and there is certainly nothing wrong with wearing sweats around the house.  But if a woman only wears sweats around the house, and only dresses up when they're going out, the man kind of feels neglected.  It sends the message that he's not important enough to dress up for, but their friends and family are.  The woman who realizes this and dresses up when only her husband will see her -- this woman will delight the heart of her man!

It is thus natural and good for men to give women jewelry, and for women to enjoy wearing it.  This has been wired into us by our Creator, for our enjoyment and His glory!   

It needs to be mentioned how 1 Peter 3:3 in the New Testament commands woman not to let their adornment be from braided hair and jewelry.  This goes hand-in-hand with this passage in Song of Solomon.  Peter is not saying that it's always wrong to wear jewelry; far from it!  This passage disproves that entirely.  What Peter is saying is that a woman's beauty should not come primarily from these outward trappings.  Plenty of women appear beautiful due to their skin, their make-up, their jewelry, their clothing.  This attracts attention.  But then you dig down beneath the surface and realize that this woman is selfish, arrogant, demanding, nit-picky, catty, and vicious.  That woman is not beautiful, no matter how she appears on the surface.  

Contrarily, consider a woman like Solomon's bride.  She is beautiful on the inside; her character is excellent, her delight is pure and genuine, she seeks to please and honor her man as much as he seeks to please and honor her.  They love and respect each other; they're not using each other.  They both love God.  They have solid webs of friends supporting them, because they are fun, enjoyable, giving people.  When you take a woman like this, a woman whose beauty shines from her inner spirit, and deck her out in jewelry, she is beautiful from the inside out.  This is the only kind of true beauty available in the world.  These days, anyone can look beautiful on the outside, what with plastic surgery, make-up, dieting, etc.  Yet very few are cultivating this inner spirit, this quiet heart before God, that makes a woman so beautiful.  

(Important clarification: this "quiet spirit" does not mean a woman doesn't talk and sits back as a meek, lesser creature.  Just read the Song of Solomon!  The woman is speaking for the majority of this book!  She initiates a lot of this action, and it delights her man!  And this is included in Scripture as being praiseworthy!  A quiet spirit rather means that she isn't the center of her world.  God is her center, and she seeks to serve, rather than demanding that she be served.  This is the attitude that every Christian, both men and women, should have.  It is, after all, the attitude Jesus Himself had when He came to earth.)

In short, jewelry is icing on the cake.  If the cake beneath is delicious, then it works together beautifully and is highly enjoyable.  If the cake is disgusting, then no matter how good the frosting looks, it's still repulsive.  All you can do is kind of scrape off the icing and just try to enjoy that without going too deep, enjoying how the woman looks and trying to ignore who she is, underneath.  That kind of enjoyment does not last long, and it's likely part of the reason why our culture is so big on one-night hookups; that way you get to enjoy the frosting, without having to deal with the person underneath.  That may feel good for a moment on the weekend, but during the week, when you're lonely, it brings little consolation.

And then in verse 11, the group of friends addresses the woman: "We will make for you ornaments of gold, studded with silver."  They see how much her man enjoys the look of her in jewelry, so they make more for her.  They not only celebrate the love of their friends, but they actively contribute to it, creating new jewelry for them to enjoy together!  

These are absolutely amazing friends, if you ask me.  They have the same attitude as the woman, seeking not to be served, but to serve.  The woman has already crafted her beauty in her character and personality; the friends are now enjoying the chance to participate in their friend's beauty, to add a lovely piece of gold and silver that reflects the beauty she already has within.  Friends like this are priceless!  

So single people: seek to be these friends!  Participate in the romance of your friends.  Don't be an annoying third wheel who always gets in the way, but rather seek to accentuate their relationship.  See what designs you can craft on the icing of their cake!  Ladies, give a gift of jewelry to a female friend who's in a relationship, or help her shop for a new outfit, or give some nice make-up.  Whatever you do, make sure that your friend knows why you're giving it!  Guys, give a bottle of cologne to a guy friend who's dating a lady, or help him plan out an elaborate date, or offer to be his go-to guy if he needs help in a pinch.  If your friends are married and have kids, offer to watch their kids for free for an evening so mom and dad can go out together.  There's an endless stream of thoughtful things that single people can do to bless their friends in relationships!

Not only does this bless your friends in their relationship, but it's also one of the best ways I know of to avoid becoming bitter over not having a relationship, yourself.  It's kind of the same effect that you have when you watch a romantic comedy and find yourself rooting for the characters.  You're invested in them, you know their story, you're participating emotionally, so it's almost like their story becomes part of your story.  So if you enjoy watching movies where couples in love get together, why not actively participate in the relationships of your friends, and receive an even bigger joy?

Caution: if your friends ever tell you you're being involved in their relationship a little too much, back away slightly.  Don't bow out fully, and try not to take offense; after all, the goal here is to help them, not use them to help yourself.  But graciously, God has designed us such that when we help our friends, it benefits us, as well.  So be creative, and find ways that you can bless your friends in a relationship.  I guarantee you, it's far better than moping at home, alone!