We're almost finished with the amazing Song of Solomon! In this post, likely the 3rd from the last, we see Solomon and his bride relaxing in their love, as a couple who has been married for years and bear a love all the deeper because of it. Let's dive in.
[Friends]
[5] Who is that coming up from the wilderness,
leaning on her beloved?
[Her]
Under the apple tree I awakened you.
There your mother was in labor with you;
there she who bore you was in labor.
(Song of Solomon 8:5 ESV)
In this verse, the couple is likely coming back from their time in the wilderness and their friends are remarking on it. Their words are almost identical to the words used in 3:6, which described the grandeur of their wedding day, when Solomon approached her in splendor, with a great parade to show his affection for her.
Here, they have been wed for a long time and have spent quality time away from the world, focusing on their love for each other. They are walking back to Jerusalem slowly, leisurely, with her leaning on the arm of her beloved husband.
It may not be as grand as chapter 3, but their love here is stronger, deeper, and even more beautiful. As much as they were in love on their wedding day, here their love is even more visible, as they are content and delighted with each other, long after their wedding.
"Under the apple tree I awakened you." It is hard to know for certain whether she means she woke her beloved up from sleep, or woke him to love. Given the nature of this book, it's most likely that she means love; most likely, this apple tree was where she and Solomon first began to fall in love.
This is a special tree to their family; it signified love. Solomon's mother, Bathsheba, was in labor with Solomon under this tree. It's even possible that this is the very tree where David and Bathsheba conceived Solomon.
Nowadays, we might be kind of grossed out by that thought; most kids don't want to know anything about their parent's intimacy. Yet this Hebrew culture was far more family-oriented than we are, today.
Back then, family was everything. The land you were born, lived, and died on was the same land your father was born, lived, and died on, as well as his father, and his father before him, and his father before him. If for some reason you didn't live on the land your family had owned for generations, it was often because of a terrible, painful cause.
It would be a delightful blessing to bring love full circle in the family, for this woman to awaken Solomon to love under the very same tree where he had been brought forth in love.
So what does this passage mean for us, today? This passage is a bit obscure, but it still has much to teach us.
For starters, it shows us how beautifully deep love should become over time. Our culture sometimes emphasizes the passionate lust of early romance, but mocks long-standing relationships. Look at any couple in love on TV, and odds are that they are young. Older couples, if they're married, are often depicted as far less affectionate towards each other than any young couple nearby.
Love should grow deeper as a couple grows older. A couple on their 30th anniversary should never desire to repeat their 5th anniversary, as they have hopefully learned to love each other a lot better in those 25 years, and should be much deeper in love with each other than they were as younguns.
Or perhaps I can say it this way.
The wedding day is often spoken of as the best day of a person's life. It shouldn't be.
It should definitely be one of the best days of a person's life up to that point (second only to the day a person decided to follow Jesus, hopefully).
But as the years go on, if a couple looks back wistfully to their wedding and feels that those early days were filled with more love than their current days, something has gone wrong.
One way that a couple can try to make sure their love deepens is to embody the beauty of the second half of verse 5. Get your family involved.
Now, it's true that some of us don't have great families to look up to. Many are the children of divorce, or of cold marriages that haven't ended. If this is you, look around for couples who have spent several decades together and are still joyfully in love, in such a way that it's obvious to those on the outside. Look for those with white hair who still hold each other's hands in public and still gaze at each other romantically. These are the heroes of love!
Find these couples in church, in your extended family, among your friends. Then ask them how they did it, how they managed to make their love grow deeper over their lifetimes.
You'll find lots of practical advice from these couples. I cannot urge you enough to seek their advice!
One thing that you will find in common from every one of these couples is that their love didn't just happen. They didn't win the cosmic lottery of love, while every other marriage had no choice but to suffer.
Rather, they worked for their love. Love that deepens requires time and effort. This takes many forms; Solomon and his bride demonstrated one by going away to the country together, focusing on their love for each other.
Here I'll let Tim Keller speak from his experience and wisdom, from his book The Meaning of Marriage:
“Our culture says that feelings of love are the basis for actions of love. And of course that can be true. But it is truer to say that actions of love can lead consistently to feelings of love.”
This is wise, but also a bit vague. Fortunately, he elaborates:
“In any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love dry up. And when that happens you must remember that the essence of marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love. So what do you do? You do the acts of love, despite your lack of feeling. You may not feel tender, sympathetic, and eager to please, but in your actions you must BE tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful. And, if you do that, as time goes on you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings. This is what can happen if you decide to love.”
If you want specific pointers on how exactly to love each other in these ways, look to how Christ loves the church. After all, marriage is meant to be a parable to the world, a picture of how Jesus loves us. Look at what He does, how He loves. He forgives every time, no matter how grievous the sin; He pursues us passionately, never tiring in His love for us; He always delights to spend time with us; He enjoys sharing the beautiful things of this world with us; He protects us; He provides for us; He rejoices over us with singing; He cherishes us so much that He would gladly lay down His life for us. If you want to learn how to love, look to Jesus!
Love is a process. It begins beautifully; young love is idolized for a reason. Then it grows and deepens and strengthens and develops; if a couple is faithful to each other and keeps acting in love toward each other, the years will see their love grow steadily more beautiful and enjoyable.
Hopefully, if you do it right, your love will inspire your children, and they will seek your advice on how to deepen the love of their marriages.
No comments:
Post a Comment