[She]
[8] The voice of my beloved!
Behold, he comes,leaping over the mountains,
bounding over the hills.
(Song of Solomon 2:8 ESV)
For starters: Song of Solomon is insane. I had intended to study this book rather quickly, but God kept forcing me to slow down and dig deeper. There is far, far more wisdom in this book than I originally gave it credit for.
So originally, I was going to comment on the whole 2:8-15 passage. Yet there's plenty in just verse 8 for an entire post. So if you want some context, read the whole passage. We'll get to it eventually, but it might help at first to put everything into perspective.
So what is it about this verse is teaching? Basically, it's describing how this woman is attracted to her man. So men, if you want to learn how to attract a woman, keep reading!
Point of clarification about Song of Solomon: it's not chronological. It began with them married, and they were clearly married in the last section of text, but here, they're dating. Think of it like a photo album where the pages got scattered around. For whatever reason, they chose to tell their story out of order. The last chapter is the earliest, talking about the bride as a little girl!
In this section, I'm fairly certain that Solomon and his beloved are only dating/courting/engaged at this point (they wouldn't have used those words in their culture, but it describes basically the same thing). I don't think they're married, because he has to travel to see her (verse 8), this passage doesn't speak of sexual intimacy (8-15), and their delight is just in spending time with each other (Solomon delights to hear her voice and see her face, rather than focusing on other aspects of her body, as he does elsewhere when they are clearly married). Verses 16-17 seem to say they are married at that point, but there is a clean break between these two sections. Thematically, the passage also deals with springtime, which is often mentioned in romantic literature to highlight the beginning and blossoming of love. In the providence of God, it just so happened that love was blossoming between this historical couple during the beauty of spring!
When I first was reading this passage, I asked: what is it about her man that the bride finds so attractive in this passage? That will be our theme, here.
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| http://middletowneyenews.blogspot.com/ 2011/07/those-crazy-teenagers.html |
To start with, he is running towards her. She sees him, and shouts "The voice of my beloved!" He is shouting her name, which sets her heart a-flutter. It's kind of the modern-day equivalent of a man standing in the street of a city, shouting up to his girl who lives on a fifth-floor apartment, telling her he loves her. This is public; everyone can hear. The man is not ashamed to shout her name publically. He loves her, and he doesn't care who knows! This delights her greatly; it's something woven into the heart of every woman. Public expressions of love are captivating.
But we also have to ask why this delights her. Men, I don't advise you to go to the apartment of a woman you're crushing on and shout out that you love her. She might draw the curtains and hide, if she's only your crush.
The woman is delighted here because she knows her beloved (notice that she is referring to him as "my beloved"; they already know each other very well). They are already in love with each other. Further, we know from chapter 1 that Solomon is well-thougt of; the virgins love him, his name is like oil poured out. He is well respected; he's king, and everyone loves him. So when he shouts out that he loves this woman, there is no shame in it for the woman. She is extremely honored and delighted that this amazing man loves her, and joyfully professes his love for all to hear.
So men, learn that if a woman loves you, she is delighted when you aren't ashamed of this love. If you try to hide it, if you're slightly ashamed that you're with this woman instead of another, that's liking pouring ice all over your relationship. Even if you truly love this woman but you don't want to show it in public, it could significantly cool things off. I don't mean that you have to be all over each other in public; intimacy should still be intimate! Yet Solomon here isn't doing anything over the top; he's just shouting her name as he runs to her house. Men, even if you're inclined to keep romantic things private, you can still do this, at least. Just let your delight at seeing your woman well up in your heart and come out as a shout. But make sure that it's welling up from genuine emotion; if you have to fake it, she'll notice, and that won't help things.
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| http://curlzandcurveballs.blogspot.com/2007/09/proposal-on-jumbotron.html |
Men, just consider the example of proposing to a woman by having the jumbotron at a professional sports game flash "_____, will you marry me?" Most women would be overwhelmed. Even Hollywood recognizes this; Julia Roberts in one movie described this very thing as the most romantic moment in her life. If you two are in love, then displaying this love for all to see is a glorious thing. Showing tens of thousands of people at a game that you love THIS woman, that you want to spend the rest of your life with only THIS woman, that THIS woman is more beautiful than all others in your eyes, is overwhelmingly romantic!
Women, if there is something in you that would not be delighted by this, it may be the case that you have some emotional scars from the past that should be addressed. I knew of one woman who didn't like receiving compliments, because for a long time most of the compliments she received were from guys trying to get in her pants. If a woman doesn't want to be complimented, or doesn't want her man to tell her that he loves her, or doesn't want their love to be known publically, there's probably some wound beneath the surface that needs to be healed. Pastoral counseling can work wonders, here.
At the start of this date, Solomon is racing to her. He can't wait to spend more time with her. Men, the way you behave at the start of a date speaks volumes. When you first see her stepping out of her car, or opening the door, or showing up at the movie theater, or walking in the door of the restaurant, what do you do? Do you just casually walk over to her? Do you berate her for being late? Are you distracted by your smart phone and leave her standing by you for a few seconds while you finish what you were doing? Or do you run over to her, overjoyed to see her, and wrap your arms around her while telling her how glad you are to see her? If you do any of the first three options, you're telling her that she isn't all that important, that seeing her isn't the best thing in your day. You're not saying it out loud, but your actions are screaming it. If you do the fourth option, if you do what Solomon is doing, she'll know deep down that she is the best part of your day, that seeing her brigthens your day, that even if the rest of your day is miserable you're still content if only you can be with her. This kind of behavior will delight a woman's heart.
It needs to be said that there is a fine line here between highly esteeming a woman and idolatrously coveting a woman. A woman will be delighted to know how much you love her; she will be repulsed if you put her on a pedestal and cling to her like a puppy dog. Clinging like a puppy dog to a woman shows that you have very little confidence and strength in and of yourself. It demonstrates that you are basing your identity and happiness solely on her. It means that if things aren't right with your relationship to her, you have no confidence; you become a quivering mess. Cowardly men find their only solace in a woman's approval, so much so that they can't bear to do anything she wouldn't approve of. The woman becomes the leader of the relationship because the man won't dare do anything that might upset her or push her away; he has no strength to stand if she is unhappy with him. This is supremely unhealthy and unattractive; it means the woman is the man's god, and her approval means more than Jesus' approval. Women don't want a cowardly man (aside from a few women who do want a man that they can dominate, but that is unhealthy for both her and her unfortunate man slave).
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| http://anothermotherrunner.com/2012/02/13/tell-me-tuesday-how-to-run-with-a-spouse/ |
Women want a man with confidence. They want a man who is strong, one who will love her tenderly, but who also has a backbone and can handle anything the world throws at him. She wants a man who can stand strong with her, not one who will be hiding out behind her because he's too afraid to grow a pair and take a stand. Remember that in chapter 1 the woman says "Draw me after you; let us run." If a man can't take the lead, if he's not confident enough to draw a woman after him, if he's not strong enough to keep leading despite criticism or attacks, then he and his woman will never get to the point of running together. He needs to be able to take the lead, to storm through all the obstacles, and draw his woman after him, so that they can run together, freely, joyously.
So if a man is confident, if he is strong, if he can lead well, then his woman will be delighted to know that she is the best part of his day, that he can't wait to be with her, that he loves her more than anyone else on the planet. If a man is cowardly and whithers outside of her approval, he'll cling to her as a drowning man clings to a life raft, and he'll end up suffocating her. A woman wants to be free to run with her beloved. She doesn't want to be choked to death by him.
So men, if you are of the cowardly sort, you have some work to do before you're ready for this kind of relationship with a woman. You need to find your identity in the love of God for you. Your heart needs to swell so much with God's love for you and your love for God that a woman's approval (or lack thereof) will be secondary to the vast amount of divine love you're constantly enjoying. You need to find your satisfaction, your love, your approval, your acceptance, your identity in the love of God for you. This is the only thing that can give you the strength you need to pursue and love a woman. Every other source of confidence and strenght will be temporary and fading; only the love of God will last forever. Find your strength here. The only way that you can find it is to spend vast amounts of time in the Bible, reading and studying it, repenting of your sin, starting to do obey all that God has called you to do, taking on the responsibility that you are expected to take on as a man of God, learning to lead others as you follow the leadership of Christ in your own life. You will need to become a man of prayer. The key is that you can't simply be doing activities; you have to be doing this because you are captivated with Jesus, with who He is, with how much He loves you. If you're not there, then read the Gospels and see who He is until He captivates you. Fasting works wonders, as it re-focuses your heart away from selfish desires and clears your heart and mind to pursue God.
For some cowardly men, they resist letting their love be known in public because it makes them feel vulnerable. What if this person dumps you? Then you're left with the public shame of being rejected by a beautiful woman. You have to face your friends and family, with them knowing how much you cared for this person, and that they still rejected you. Depending on your particular friends and family, they can sometimes make the pain of rejection worse, instead of better. But if there is no risk, there is no reward, gentlemen!
Further, if you are so controlled by this fear, it is a sign that your heart is not properly oriented towards God. If you are satisfied in His love first, then you can suffer rejection and come out alive and whole, because the amount of Christ's love and acceptance is infinite, while a woman's rejection is only finite and temporary. There is always more love of Christ than there can be rejection or hatred from humans. So don't be afraid to make your love known. Yes, you might be at risk of more shame if you are dumped. But that is your chance to display how glorious God is! If you can be content and satisfied in God even during rejection from a beautiful woman, it shows incredible majesty and glory for God, as well as great maturity and confidence in you. (It has also been known to happen that a woman may suddenly see you as attractive when she sees how confidently you withstand the rejection of a different woman. Your strength and confidence in the face of adversity can be a powerful force of attraction!).
So if you are in love, show it! Shout your beloved's name when you see them. Run towards them with reckless abandon. Don't show off for people in public, but don't try to hide your affection, either. Let it be known freely and publically that you are in love, that among all the peoples of the earth, you have chosen THIS one, and your heart is overflowing with love for this person!
After all, that's the message that the Cross is shouting across the ages. As Jesus, God in flesh, died the death you deserved on the Cross for your sins, He declared that He has chosen to love you. He made it known publicly. He declared that He loved you so much that He would not be parted with you, and removed your sins so that you would never be separated from Him again. You should never forget how much our God loves you!
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