American culture doesn't treat marriage very well. Pick any given TV show, and it's almost guaranteed that the people having exciting romantic times are the ones who are dating, or even those who are hooking up with random people. The married couples are almost always depicted as less exciting, boring, standard, common.
"The Office" provides a great example. Jim and Pam had a fun, exciting romantic chemistry throughout the early seasons. People watched the show just waiting for those two to get together. Then they finally get married, they have two children... and suddenly they cease being interesting, at least as far as the show is concerned. Their marriage is portrayed as steady and constant (which is good) but also as not exciting. The storyline spends very little time on their romance, compared to the earlier seasons. The show even brought in a scandalous woman last season who tried to have an affair with Jim, to spice up the storyline a bit. It was assumed that simply depicting Jim and Pam in daily marital life would be boring, so something else was needed.
Song of Solomon knows nothing about a boring marriage. At this point in the book, Solomon and his beautiful bride have been married for a while. They've had big conflicts and worked through them. They're living the day-to-day life of a married couple.
Yet their marriage is still filled with the spice and sizzle that American culture assumes only comes with dating. This passage shows how that happens.
[She]
[11] I went down to the nut orchard
to look at the blossoms of the valley,
to see whether the vines had budded,
whether the pomegranates were in bloom.
[12] Before I was aware, my desire set me
among the chariots of my kinsman, a prince.
[Others]
[13] Return, return, O Shulammite,
return, return, that we may look upon you.
[He]
Why should you look upon the Shulammite,
as upon a dance before two armies?
(Song of Solomon 6:11-13 ESV)
Verse 11 portrays a very common, simple day for the woman. She's going down to the orchard to check on the vines and pomegranates, and her girl friends are tagging along. It's an ordinary day.
But then verse 12 kicks in, and this woman suddenly finds herself overtaken by desire for her husband. She's in the middle of the orchard with all of her friends, but she suddenly sprints back towards the palace, with only Solomon on her mind.
Her friends in verse 13 call out after her, asking her to come back. After all, this is their good friend, and they want to spend time with her.
But as much as she loves her friends, she loves her husband more. So she runs to him. The friends are still chasing, and now Solomon has to fend them off. He asks a rhetorical question, essentially saying that if his wife wants to spend some intimate time with him, they need to buzz off.
So what can we glean from this? Simple.
It's an amazingly good and healthy thing for couples to be spontaneous with each other! Part of the fun of dating is that you're still getting to know the other person, so you're not always sure what's coming next. That's part of the excitement of discovery, not knowing exactly what's coming, and then being delighted when you learn something new about your partner, or when you both experience something new together.
Once a couple settles into marriage, the tendency is often to think that you know just about everything there is to know about each other. I promise you: there is a wealth of excitement and discovery still to be found in your spouse, no matter how long you've been together!
If you don't believe me, pull out an old journal or diary from your days in high school. I guarantee you'll find entries that meant the world to you at the time of the writing, but that your spouse knows nothing about. Look through old photo albums (both physical albums and albums on Facebook) and see if your partner knows the story behind each one. It's almost assured that they don't. Walk around your hometown together; the places will spark memories of all kinds of stories, many of which your spouse likely has never heard.
On top of that, every day we live we accumulate new memories, experiences, reactions, thoughts, surprises, and dreams. These are beautiful topics of conversation with your spouse. There's also a world of events happening all around you, providing you with limitless opportunities to discuss these situations and see what your partner thinks and feels about them.
Just because you've pledged your lives to each other doesn't mean that you've shared your entire lives with each other!
So part of spontaneity is the thrill of discovery, which is present no matter how long you've been together, if you realize it and work for it.
Another part of spontaneity is simply the joy of doing something unexpected for your spouse that shows how much you love them, desire them, and cherish them.
Think about this situation in SoS. Solomon is probably in the palace doing kingly responsibilities. She bursts into the room and says that she is full of desire for him.
Notice how Solomon doesn't care one whit about work, in that moment. He leaves all his duties behind in an instant, for her. He races to her side so fast that he even helps fend off her friends, who are clinging just a bit too tightly.
It doesn't matter whether you're the man or the woman. Your spouse will be delighted when you do something out of the blue that shows how much you love them, how much you desire them, how much you like being with them.
It also helps when you tailor your spontaneous event to your spouse, doing something that you know they love. In this case, Solomon's bride gives Solomon something he loves. So far in this book, Solomon has already praised his wife for her physical beauty twice, extolling her virtues from head to toe. He loves looking at her and praising her specifically, so she gives him another chance to do just that.
Women, it might not seem like she's giving much to her husband; after all, he ends up giving all the compliments, and she simply receives the praise. Yet if there's one thing I've learned from my married friends and family members, it's that you, yourself are the greatest gift you can give to your beloved, especially when you are giving them your complete attention, your complete desire, your complete affirmation.
Give this gift regularly. Interrupt their work day with the gift of focusing entirely on them for an hour, in love. As Solomon demonstrates, no man is going to mind missing a bit of work to go off with a wife who is eager to spend time with him!
This can be grand gestures, like Solomon's wife provides, taking him away from his work completely. It can also be a little card delivered to their desk at work, saying that you love them and can't wait to see them at home. It could be surprising them with dinner out at their favorite restaurant after a stressful day, instead of preparing a meal at home. It could be buying them a book they've wanted to read and taking care of all the chores for the day, so that they can enjoy it uninterrupted.
These little spontaneous moments add spice to your relationship. Little unpredictable moments of joy create smiles that wouldn't be there, otherwise.
It also communicates quite clearly that you enjoy your spouse and are thinking about them regularly, instead of taking them for granted. Few things kill romance faster than taking someone for granted and simply assuming everything's fine.
Conversely, few things flare up romance faster than reminding your beloved how much you care, showing them how special they are to you, and saying how grateful you are to have them in your life.
Be spontaneous, my friends!
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