SoS 6:8-9: How to Avoid Cat Fights

    [8] There are sixty queens and eighty concubines,
        and virgins without number.
    [9] My dove, my perfect one, is the only one,
        the only one of her mother,
        pure to her who bore her.
    The young women saw her and called her blessed;
        the queens and concubines also, and they praised her.
(Song of Solomon 6:8-9 ESV)

As Solomon is praising his bride for her virtues near the end of chapter 6, he mentions something rather interesting. After praising her beauty, he praises her character, including the verses quoted above.

These verses are the climax of his praise to her. He means for these words to convey an extreme sense of praise, esteeming her as a woman who quality and character outshines every other woman around.

The height of praise that he has for her is to say that these 60 queens (likely of foreign lands), these 80 concubines (probably palace servants), and the virgins of Jerusalem all praise her and call her blessed. He finds it amazing that every woman who meets his bride ends up praising her.

In other words, this is the least "catty" woman imaginable. Consider the situation: she's married to the wisest, most powerful, most skilled man in the realm. Powerful women would constantly be vying for Solomon's attention. These women would view his bride as their rival.

Yet this woman has such a virtuous character that even her rivals praise her! 

This isn't a woman who is full of herself, who is constantly pointing out to others in subtle ways how superior to them she is. She isn't making snide, passive-aggressive comments that point out the flaws in the women around her. That kind of activity would cause her rivals to despise her, but instead, her rivals are praising her.

This means that this woman is incredibly loving and gracious, even to those women who are trying to make power plays in the royal court. She could easily wield the power of the Queen of Israel and crush her rivals. But instead of using power, she uses love.

I'm not a woman myself, so I can't exactly speak from experience into the whole situation of women being "catty." Still, it seems to me that women do this out of insecurity, out of jealousy towards the physical qualities, interpersonal relationships, or power of other women. Women try to build themselves up and make their interpersonal stance more secure by tearing other women down.

It's obvious that I'm going to challenge you women to avoid this kind of behavior, but this is my reason why:

Solomon loves his bride particularly because she is NOT a catty woman. She is in a position of power and could be the most catty woman around. Yet she is the opposite, being a woman full of grace, love, and generosity. And Solomon can't get enough of it! His praise of her character is the climax of his praise for her, meaning that he finds her interpersonal grace and love so attractive that it outshines even her physical beauty.

So that's why I encourage you women to emulate Solomon's bride.

But how can it be done? Where does this heart of grace and love come from?

This should be familiar by now, since I've mentioned it so often on this blog. The answer is the Gospel.

Women, your heart was designed to be loved. You crave to be affirmed for your beauty, for your personal worth, for your attractive qualities, for your uniqueness. You want to be the apple of someone's eye. This is how God has designed you.

God designed you this way because He alone is able to fully satisfy these cravings of your heart. It's natural for women to try to seek the fulfillment of these desires in men, but no man can satisfy you the way that God can.

Think about it this way. You long to be affirmed for your beauty. God created you and designed you just as you are, and to Him, you are astonishingly beautiful. God knows every bit of beauty within you; He created it in you! Further, He is not distracted by what you consider your "flaws." You might not be identical to a Hollywood actress, but God does not define beauty by Hollywood. To Him, you are beauty, just as you are. To prove it to you, God demonstrated His love for you by sending Jesus to suffer on the cross in your place, so that you could always be with Him.

God wants to love you. He wants you so much that He would rather die than be without you! 

Think about how well God knows you. He knows every fact about you, every hair on your head, every skill you possess, every bit of knowledge you have learned, every dream you hold, every ambition you pursue. He knows your heart, and how you feel about everything you encounter in the course of the day. He knows you completely, and He still loves you entirely! 

Furthermore, according to Eph 2:1-10, God loved you when you were at your worst. You don't have to doll yourself up and spend hours getting to the height of physical beauty in order to catch God's eye. He saw you at your absolute worst, when you were dead and covered in your sins, and in that moment, He chose to give you His full love, affirmation, and acceptance, unconditionally. 

He sees your beauty constantly. You don't have to pretend, you don't have to cover up your "flaws," you don't have to work for hours just to be acceptable. You are fully acceptable to God, exactly as you are right now. He sees your beauty in every moment, even if you yourself have trouble seeing it.

Women, saturate your hearts in this truth. Let your hearts be captivated by this God who loves you more than you can possibly imagine.

Once you get this, the emotional needs that drive women to be catty can disappear. Once your heart is filled with God's love, attention, and affirmation, you won't have the need to tear other women down just so that a man can focus on you instead of them. Your confidence will come from God's love, not from a man's attention.

And once that happens, you will find that you become phenomenally more attractive to men! It's true that women love confidence in men, but men also love confidence in women, particularly when they are so confident in God's love for them that they don't act catty around other women. Men hate cat fights, but we love the beauty and grace of a confident woman who loves the other women around her.

Women, if you are confident in your beauty, it won't be long before the men around you take notice!




And with that, today's post comes to a close. Almost. There are a few interpretive issues with this passage that I'd like to discuss, but I realize that this is kind of geeky. So for those who are interested in the nit-picky decisions of Biblical interpretation, keep on reading; for everyone else, have a wonderful weekend!



There is some debate about who the 60 queens and 80 concubines are, in these verses.

We know that Solomon eventually forms a large harem of women in his palace. 1 Kings 11:1-5 speaks of how Solomon loved many foreign women, and in his old age, they turned his heart away from the worship of God alone. Some, therefore, conclude that this is a reference to the first 60 queens and 80 concubines added to Solomon's harem.

I don't find this interpretation particularly convincing, for a few reasons. First, we know that Solomon's heart was turned aside by these women in his old age, and at this point in Song of Solomon, he's still very young. Second, it doesn't seem terribly romantic to refer to your 60 other wives while praising one other wife.

Despite this, there is the possibility that these 60 queens refer to political marriages, ones devoid of love and physical intimacy, made solely to unite two kingdoms in peace. If so, then Solomon could refer to them as a means to praise his one true bride, since she alone has his heart, his affection, and his intimacy.

Even so, I find the most likely scenario to be the following. In the Ancient Near East, they had a system of co-regency, in which two men are basically king at the same time. In this case, as King David nears the end of his life, he would be infirm, spending most of his time indoors, as the Bible describes. During this time, he couldn't do much kingly work, so Solomon, his successor, would act as king in his place. Both men would be referred to as "king," even though it wouldn't be completely official until David passed away and Solomon took the crown.

In this situation, Solomon could meet, court, and marry the woman of his dreams, the woman of Song of Solomon. They could enjoy everything this book records during this period of co-regency.

This also makes sense because we know that as soon as David passes away and Solomon becomes the exclusive king, he marries the daughter of Pharaoh. 1 Kings 11 later tells us that he does love this woman; it's not merely a political union of countries, but a marriage with love and intimacy. It would be unlikely that Solomon could enjoy such romance with the woman in this Song while he was simultaneously loving another woman.

Based on this, I'm concluding that the entirety of Song of Solomon takes place during the co-regency, before any other women enter the picture. I'm guessing that once Solomon becomes king and starts to have political marriages, these women eventually lead his heart astray. I'm sure he intended initially to keep his heart true to his bride, but he was surrounded by beautiful, powerful women who would all be vying for his attention. I'm guessing he eventually succumbed to temptation.